Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize