there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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