You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize