I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize