i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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