question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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