I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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