I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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