That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize