i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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