He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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