I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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