you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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