At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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