today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize