u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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