You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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