I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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