I can tuck mytits in my pants
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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