Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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