My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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