Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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