Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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