We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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