The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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