cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
last night I used snow as a chaser
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