Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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