Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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