She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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