I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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