Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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