i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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