The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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