What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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