So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize