she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize