I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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