im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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