he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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