I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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