M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize