He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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