I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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