So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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