Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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