You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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