my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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