Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize