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That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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