Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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